Assume best intentions (ABI)

– ABI. – What is it?
– Assume best intentions. – Why do you need it?
– How do you do it? – Stay tuned to find out in this episode.
– I'm Yuen. – And it's Mike.
Welcome to The Imperfect Clinician.
Today, we want to draw everybody's attention to ABI. Assume best intentions.
Yuen, tell us more what it is.
Let's start with a scenario that I have come across myself.
So, a team were in a meeting, and there was somebody fidgeting in their seat.
And the meeting kept going on. I was leading the meeting,
but I was just getting more and more irritated by that person.
I was just thinking, oh, they just can't be bothered.
They just want to get out, or is what I'm saying not important?
And then, when they were walking out, I didn't want it to sit with me, so I said,
have you got a minute? So we went back to my room, and I said, are you okay?
You seem quite restless. And my brain is thinking, yeah,
that person's not committed. All the assumptions, all the judgments coming.
And then, that person said, oh, no, I couldn't really feel my thighs,
because I just went for this new exercise class.
And so, I was just moving to make sure that the bloods are going.
And I thought, what? I didn't think of that.
I just assumed the worst thing, thinking she doesn't respect me.
And so, I wanted to start with this case, because I feel it's quite easy to relate to.
There probably have been so many situations where you're either in that seat,
where people don't assume the best intention of you,
or whether it's role reversal, and you do the same.
And we all do, I guess. But what I wanted to show is what happens when you assume the worst
in each other, because there will be no trust, and there will be no respect.
Okay. Well, I think most of us will be able to find an example that's similar.
I must say that there is always lots of focus on reading the body language,
so that you can become a better, I don't know, speaker and all that.
But I don't think it's always the best to follow those rehearsed situations,
because that can pre-determine your conception of everybody else's behavior.
And I must say that I was in some sort of training ages ago.
And they say, we always were told that if somebody is crossing their arms,
or crossing their legs, and sort of leaning backwards, that should be read as,
oh, they are in opposition to what you're saying.
Not interested.
They're against it. They're not interested.
But even more, they can have even stronger feelings that what you're saying,
they don't agree with.
And somebody drew our attention to say, how about maybe they're cold?
You know, maybe there's some other reasons why people are doing other things.
Body language is a very powerful communicator,
but I think that we shouldn't always trust it.
That's the only thing.
As the only thing.
I think we need to be a bit more curious about it,
especially in those aspects of people's behavior or their body language
that are perceived as negative, as people turning away from you.
There are some things that we may not be reading correctly.
And that's going to impact how we are delivering whatever we're trying to tell people.
And that can escalate into something that we might not be able to control later on.
Because we sort of predetermine ourselves to, I don't know,
try to reach out or try to affect that person in a way
that they're going to get back to the conversation,
to get back to being interested.
And that can have the opposite effect.
I think a lot of these is a bias blend, your own perspective.
Because I think they come out of how you see yourself
and how you judge others through your own lens.
It's a reflection of what you are not confident about or what you are scared of.
So for example, that case I've mentioned earlier on,
not being respected or not being listened to, being ignored.
And so you become quite pessimistic about others' behavior.
You just assume the worst case scenario.
And I wonder whether you, the listener, and you, Mike,
whether you can think of a time when you are either growing up or when you're working
and someone did not assume your best intention.
And how does it make you feel there and then?
And how did it change you after?
I remember there must have been a whole list of situations
where not contacting somebody for a while could be considered
as you're not engaging with them and you're ignoring them.
This can have an effect on the friends, on friendship in general.
There is a number of situations where you weren't making yourself clear enough
or you weren't telling people the full story.
And then they weren't thinking that you have either something to hide
or you can't be bothered to explain it better to them.
So they're not important to you?
So they're not important, yeah, to engage in general.
And how did it change your relationship with them afterwards?
I think that misunderstandings can have a huge impact
on how you are going to perceive this person in the future.
So let's go back to the situation where I wasn't keeping in touch with somebody.
And they may assume that over a longer period of time,
I might have, I don't know, forgotten about them
or are not very keen to carry on with the relationship or friendship.
They've said something wrong and they've dwelled on it.
Yeah, so going back to the situation when I wasn't keeping in touch with somebody.
For a while, I haven't been in touch with that person.
When we met up, I got questioned, you know,
what have they done that I didn't want to keep in touch with them.
They thought you were angry about something.
I was angry, thought that I was upset,
thought that I was not bothered about them
or didn't value them as a friendship companion in a way.
And that sort of allowed me to reflect probably later on,
you know, I wasn't thinking about that
because you're trying to rectify and explain yourself then
when somebody tells you that
because sometimes people may not want to have another discussion with you.
I had a situation after my uni where a good friend of mine,
we used to spend lots and lots of time,
all of a sudden just went, you know, blank and disappeared.
And I don't know if that's something because I've done wrong.
I can't find him.
I couldn't find him on like social media or, you know,
and then I found through somebody
and I send them a message, Merry Christmas or whatever.
And I never heard back.
And I still don't know what I've done
because we used to be very good friends.
Yeah.
And when you have situations like this,
whether you're in that person's shoes
or when you're at the receiving end,
when you start to doubt,
that's when you get insecure and really,
I want to say can be quite scary
because you think maybe I've done something wrong.
Maybe I have if you're in that shoe.
It can be something as mundane
as somebody cutting me off in traffic.
I used to think I'm an insensitive prick
and I used to increase my blood pressure
and I was ready for a shouting match.
And then this is through practice.
Not easy.
Sometimes I still want to shout,
but now I'm trying to think
he must be desperate for a wee.
Maybe he has BPH.
Benign prostate hyperplasia.
Or maybe he's rushing home
to a family member who's not well.
And whatever that I think,
it's not going to change his behaviors
because it's already done.
It's in the past.
He's cut me off.
But I can choose my thinking differently
and proactively change my response
because in the latter case,
then I just shook my head,
stayed calm and then recognized
sometimes I'm not the kindest driver
when I'm rushing home to the kids.
Yeah, but in a car,
it's very difficult for me to stay calm.
But then on reflection and just think,
right, yeah, you're absolutely right.
It's not going to change anybody else
who's doing what they're doing.
Exactly.
You just choose effectively by responding
in a rather unkind manner, shall we say,
to be upset about it.
So why would we choose to...
I know that we always vote with our feelings
and this is what sometimes we need this as an outlet,
I don't know, or some sort of frustration.
But then it puts us in a bad mood
and we have only really ourselves to blame,
in my opinion.
I mean, I do.
Yeah.
And you see that a lot now,
especially during the start of the pandemic
and afterwards,
most of the meetings are not done in person anymore.
So most of the meetings are done online.
And so I've noticed like a member
has been turning off video more than usual.
And instead of thinking,
oh, it must be multitasking or must be slacking.
Think about how differently you would react
if you think, oh, he's trying to balance home and work
or maybe he's not comfortable jumping the discussion.
And I think when you mentioned about that body language,
it really changes my body language and my verbal language.
Because instead of going there,
I want to accuse somebody or I want to criticize someone.
I then change into the trying to understand the curiosity
that you've mentioned earlier on.
And I'm trying to work with that person
to find out a solution.
So I'm focusing on what stops him from doing his best.
But do you think also,
I completely agree that it is very different
when you are exposed to, for example,
online meetings more than seeing people in person,
that us as clinicians,
we rely a lot on seeing people on this is,
you know, 40, 50% of examination
is even before the patient opens their mouth.
Because we observe all those subtle things
that people display in their behavior.
So we are in a way tuned in to those body language features.
So does it make us more assuming
what people are actually thinking and feeling?
Or do you think that it sort of allows us
only to focus on those, on people being poorly,
I don't know, their frailty is greater,
they, you can notice like a labored breathing
or something that it's more physiological
rather than feelings-wise?
I see what you mean.
So I think when I see a patient face to face,
I've got more of a base knowledge
because of what I can see.
And I can ask questions based on the physical presentation.
Whereas if I don't see a patient face to face
and it's a telephone conversation,
I feel that I have to ask more questions
to establish the baseline information.
And it actually takes longer
because I don't have the five seconds
somebody walking in my room or opening the door
and seeing how that person walking through the corridor to me,
to do the initial assessment.
They can already come in angry.
On the phone, you can't really always sense it.
Exactly.
And on the phone, it's when you see somebody,
let's say being unwell or in your case,
you've mentioned about being angry.
On the phone, sometimes they don't show
that they're angry straight away.
It might be a few leading conversation
and they just suddenly erupt and you think,
did I say something or probably they were just angry.
They might have got a kid bashing on the back.
Maybe.
But the way that I interact with my patients changes
when we did that swap to now a hybrid
of either seeing them face to face
or seeing them over the phone.
But I then don't have a baseline information.
So with regards to the attitude of somebody talking to you,
when you see those cues of,
let's call them the negative cues, okay?
Those that, you know, rolling eyes,
people, you know, trying to move away from you
or turning round.
How do you manage now on reflection?
Let's say that you're aware of it.
How do you choose to respond to it?
I don't want to come across
as you approach every interaction with the blind optimism.
I think it's more...
Because it's not based also on experience with that person.
It's a longer sort of process very often,
especially in a team or with people you work with.
Yeah.
And I think it's a practice in some ways
of intentionally assuming whether it's friends
or family or work colleagues or strangers
for me is they are doing their best.
So I enter most of my interactions
with genuine curiosity and open mind
because I realize when I don't,
I create my own story out of fear.
Okay.
So is it easier in that respect?
Is it easier to assume best intentions
with strangers or with the people you work with
or with the loved ones?
I think it's easiest when you're able to have most distance.
And in my case, the distance is a reflection
of how balanced I am internally.
So it's a gauge.
Yeah, but when you're looking at the stranger,
I think it's a bit easier to assume best intention
and say, well, I don't know that person.
I don't want to be judgmental straight away.
So I'm going to give them a chance.
But if you have people you work with,
you know them, you know what they're like,
that you know how they can be.
But we're not always on 100% feeling great
and positive and loving the world.
And on the other hand, not every day is a Monday morning
when we are upset.
And I think that this is a bit harder to set on a side
your negative feelings about people's behavior,
about people's intentions,
when you have a history of them already being upset
or making you upset.
Yeah.
And I think you're right.
It's easier to do that to people that you don't know.
Again, you don't have that baseline information.
But the people that you've worked with,
but I've noticed that when I assume best intention,
even though, you know, they've always been that way,
I am less resentful.
And because I think how I think impacts how I feel
and how I feel impacts on what I do.
So do you think curiosity is the key?
Yes.
Because my approach to that person then becomes very different.
And if you go in thinking that's it,
there's no space for change for that person.
Like, oh, they're always like this.
In some ways you are already shaming that person
because you don't give them the space for growth to be different.
And also you're not taking the backstory of why.
And I want to say, I'm creating that space for other people
because I'm hoping that people will create that space for me.
Again, like you said, I'm not, I can't be a hundred percent all the time.
And when I don't, I want the compassion to be from others to me and me to others.
Okay.
So what if somebody lets you down?
Okay.
So you have the history of somebody in a team letting you down.
How do you prevent assuming best intentions as making excuses for those people?
So I think there are two parts.
You assume best intention when you're trying to understand where are they coming from.
But the impact is something that you need to follow through and hold people accountable for.
Okay.
So you still remain curious?
You still remain curious to find out why,
but the next part of why you're not delivering, let me work with you, provide feedback.
That's what we're going to discuss in the next episode.
But that I think is really important to make sure that they still take responsible for their words
and for the action or inaction.
Yeah, because there's two parts.
One is assuming best intentions when people, when observing people's behavior, body language.
But another thing is assuming people's intentions through their actions.
So actions are a bit more zero one, either something happened or it didn't.
So if somebody was late with the job that was really important for you,
it's really easy to say, right, they just didn't take it seriously.
And maybe there were some other factors, but they still, you know, they let you down.
I think it's very hard to try to understand, find excuses for them,
where they're not producing whatever work they were doing on time
impacts your work life to deliver what you have to deliver further on.
I understand.
And I think the impact when it happened, it shouldn't be trivialized.
It shouldn't be taken lightly.
But the, why are they late?
They must not take it seriously.
That judgment at the start doesn't help with you trying to deal with the situation constructively.
If I go to this person and say, this was really important.
And because you were late, these happen.
How can I work with you to make sure that this doesn't happen again?
Do you have a rule of three strikes and you're out or something?
No, so for example, it might be they're a single parent and their child's really unwell
and they don't have anybody else, no support network to help them.
So when that happens, is there a fallback system?
Is, you know, is there somebody that they can contact at work
or somebody that they can buddy up to understand this project really well?
So if person A is late, person B can always stand in, for example.
And so you create a support system at work when it's not available for that person at home,
but also allows you to provide flexibility.
So let's say because of this case, you start later and you work extra afterwards
when the project calls for it, not just because.
And also you are holding them accountable because of the impact on the project
and you work with them.
So it's not just you thinking about solutions, it's both parties.
Does it work for you? No, it doesn't.
Why don't I, you know, I think this works better for me.
And then you come across as a partner and a collaborator in the project,
not just you dictating what should be done.
I agree that working on a partnership level is the way forward here,
because it's not really, I don't think if it has a major impact,
if you're just going to tell somebody off every time something happens wrong,
that's not going to lead anywhere.
It's going to affect perception of your leadership style.
And it's also going to, for example, translating to poor retention.
But on the other hand, it's very difficult with each instance of somebody not doing something
to a certain level or timing or whatever.
It's difficult to do RCA or the root cause analysis with every situation like this.
Yeah.
And it doesn't mean that you don't hold people accountable for negative outcomes
because people can mean well, but still do harm.
And the point is to get them to see the impact of their actions and learn from it.
So you still have to apologise, you still have to make amends,
you still have to show that you will change and do better because now you know better.
Either you do better or you create a system that is better than the current system.
I've got a question for you.
In that case, is being pessimistic in that respect,
because you can assume worst intention in the world,
and that would to me translate as being just pessimistic person.
Would you consider it as a defence mechanism?
What do you mean?
Sometimes for people who are pessimistic, they see the world that, you know,
you assume that every day is going to rain.
So when then once you wake up and it's beautiful weather, you are just pleasantly surprised.
And that's sort of setting the standards low.
And then in terms of like being pessimistic,
oh, nothing exciting is going to happen today.
And then something does happen, it comes as a revelation,
as something that is actually deep inside desired,
but it's not portrayed like this on a daily basis.
And on the other hand, if you're optimistic and you say,
oh, today is going to be an amazing day.
It's going to be beautiful weather and I'm going to go and have a picnic.
And then half of the middle of the day, it starts to rain and you are set back
because you cannot fulfil your idea of a perfect day that you assumed for yourself.
So is being pessimistic a defence mechanism?
I think yes, but I disagree with what you said about being pessimistic.
And if you have a better day than expected, you feel better because I want to see...
So maybe you're not pessimistic about sceptic, I don't know, you're sceptical about things.
Yeah, if you are sceptical, but it also shows a lot of distrust and also perhaps show a lot
of hurt that you've had in the past that you really struggle to trust.
So you started off as being, I'm not trusting anybody until somebody proved me wrong.
And I want to say somebody who is more optimistic
is somebody who's able to see the silver lining, a glass half full type of person.
And even if the day doesn't go well, at least it's not as bad as something else.
And I'm not saying that some people or a person stays in that stage.
It's an effort to be aware of what your mindset is and what's causing it
and what you can do about it.
Going back to the episode where we're talking about when things go wrong,
I think there are sometimes things that are stronger than you.
And I mentioned there that whenever somebody rings from work,
I'm always assuming that it's going to be something bad.
I've done something bad.
I know I can't really still shake it off until...
And to be fair, it doesn't happen very often.
Maybe I'm not exposed to it very often.
Somebody rings.
It's usually somebody ringing asking for some clarification.
And most of the time, because they couldn't read my writing in a comms book or whatever.
But I think that I consider myself as a rather optimistic person.
I'm always looking forward to good things in the future,
but also remain pragmatic in that respect.
So I want to say that I look forward to things in life in general,
and I'm quite happy about things happening to me, whatever they are.
And I always try to find a solution.
That's where the pragmatism...
I know that not everything is perfect all the time,
but the optimism allows me to bounce back and fix the problem,
fix the situation that I come across that it's not really favorable.
I remember you said once when I rang you, I said,
I've got two news.
Tell me the bad one first.
That's what you said.
Yeah.
You want to get this out of the way first.
And I said, there isn't.
They're both good news.
You're like, okay, fine.
Keep talking.
I mean, that's the thing.
Sometimes do you think you get into the habit of assuming bad intentions in certain situations?
Is it like a habit that you are comfortable with and you just do it to,
I don't know, satisfy something else that sits in your head,
some sort of vulnerability that you can't shake off or something that is your building foundation,
like, you know, like being always trying to avoid, I don't know, bad feedback,
doing something wrong in general.
I want to say that that might potentially potentially be a factor for it.
Because if you're so used to being told off for everything,
you just assume the next thing that you do, you'll get told off.
So in that context, I want to try to delve, dive into what could have led to the fact
that I can be anxious about certain things.
Do you think that there is an impact of limited praise in the past?
I don't know, in the childhood or when you're growing up or in the relationship with somebody,
that the lack of that praise means that you are doing some things wrong all the
time or most of the time?
I don't think it's lack of praise.
I think it's the imbalance of being criticized all the time.
I don't think it's the lack of praise.
The studies have shown if you over praise a child, it doesn't help anyway.
But I think if you criticize a child or when they're growing up, it almost conditions
them to brace for impact each time they talk to you.
Okay, so you have to find a balance.
Yes.
Yeah, because I have a very strong belief, I don't know, of feeling of, you know, when
I reflected on my relationship, especially with my dad, because that was probably more
direct in that respect.
I think that the very limited praise that I had from my dad is now the cause of certain
things that I want to get rid of first bad news that are coming towards my way.
Just so you know, if I get 10 emails, I'm just looking at those emails as, oh, this
can be serious.
Okay, I want to read it first.
You're risk assessing.
Yeah, I'm risk assessing.
I'm sort of prioritizing all the possibly bad events first.
And it stands in the opposite because I'm usually quite good at solving problems in
most cases, but I can't shake this off.
And I think that one thing that I always wanted to ask my dad, and I never did, because
he passed away.
Finally, I wasn't able to let him.
I wanted to ask him to tell me three things that I've done right.
To have some sort of feedback on three things that I've done right, because it was always
something that there wasn't unconditional, that's great.
You know, there's, and I bet he would struggle with this.
I strongly believe that he would struggle on, or I think there always would be a but
in it or some sort of doubt.
So when I bought a house, I was too big.
Oh, did you think it through?
When I bought a car, I chose because not in line with his recommendations.
I don't know.
Is it something, am I seeking validation to what I'm doing right?
Or do you just want to, you know, find some positive stimulation from your parent or from
people that are close to you?
I don't know.
Is it some sort of confirmation of what you're doing?
Do you want to please them in a way?
Essentially, what I'm trying to find out is does it improve confidence when you praise
people?
Because I think that it would, in my case, maybe that was an imbalance.
I think there are two parts.
Yes, you will improve confidence when you praise people.
But I think in your case, it's the imbalance of constantly being criticised.
And as children, we are biologically wired to please our parents to seek validation from
parents.
And then it later translates into your peers.
Yes, peers.
And perhaps into adulthood, some people are still constantly trying to people please because
they want to get the sense of belonging.
They want to get the sense that I am lovable.
And if they're not able to get that from the parents, they get that from other sources.
But that leads me to making sure that I notice that there's good things in people around
me.
I'm pushing myself and I don't want to overdo it the other end.
Do you know what I mean?
Like you said, too much praise is not good for everything.
So I think trying to find a balanced feedback, balanced assumption of intentions is the way
forward.
I try to make sure that I assume the best intentions in people and I make a lot of effort
to do that.
But sometimes things are a little bit stronger than us.
But I think it's a big thing to reflect on that and to reconsider that.
Yeah, I think it's really important to reflect and understand where it came from because
you are more aware of the trigger for you.
And mine was learned behavior from a parent who was operating just out of sheer exhaustion,
frustration, and essentially an empty tank.
So if I can see an adult not being able to show kindness to themselves, it's learned
behavior that I struggle to do that to myself and to others.
And for me now, understanding where that trigger is, I know when I'm getting resentful or
when I'm blaming, I need to work on setting my own boundaries.
So whether it's because I am deprived of sleep or whether I'm overstretched, that's
how it comes out.
And that's my, what do you call it, like the monitor, the gauge, where it goes tired,
tired, full tank, medium.
And this is how I would gauge it for myself.
I don't know whether you've noticed, but when you assume positive intention, I think
it makes it easier for the other party, whether it's work, colleagues or friends, to engage
in a more productive conversation.
I think so.
I can tell you from myself, if I get questioned every five minutes about what I'm doing and
it's sort of in a more vindictive way, you're less likely to enjoy it.
Yeah.
And I think it's only normal that you get quite defensive.
And if you don't have that as a stepping stone to communication, then you're able to work
together better and perhaps more effectively to deal with the situation.
Yeah.
I think if I'm given the chance of somebody approaching whatever project I'm doing, or
even between us, you know, in the family life, I think it's completely different motivation.
And there is a completely different attitude towards, you have a feeling like there was
another person supporting you in what you're doing.
Yeah.
You play a big part when you're assuming good intentions from people in their success, I
think.
Yeah.
And this reminds me of a quote from the author Ian McLaren, and he said, be kind for everyone
you meet is fighting a hard battle.
So I wonder how do you react if somebody hurt you or take advantage of you?
I think that has changed over the years.
I think with experience gained, you start to understand a bit better what actually being
hurt means to you.
I would split it into people that have an impact on me that I am emotionally connected
with, and those reactions are much stronger.
But then working on this relationship or whatever it is, whether it's within the family or within
the friends, I think it reduces the risk of somebody hurting you.
Whereas in the more, let's sort of, let's call it adult or professional work settings.
I have this, I've created these boundaries that I say, I'm just not, not having it.
And it's much easier for me just to cut it off.
It just easy for me to, to give that feedback and to fight for what I believe is right.
And I think it's a question of, to some extent of your personal integrity, trying to stick
to what is right for you.
And if somebody else is trying to hurt you, you just going to stand on what you believe
is right.
I agree.
And I think when people, when I get hurt or if someone is taking advantage of me in some
way, then I get quite angry.
I think I'm human after all.
So it's impossible to escape the initial emotional reaction.
But this quote by Joyce Meyer that said, hurt people, they hurt people.
And when I heard that, it just made me pause for four or five minutes thinking she is right.
And I see that in children.
I see that in adult.
And, and now I learned to see that they are in pain and they are lashing out.
So then they can forget their pain or they're simply trying to protect themselves.
And so when I think of it that way, my compassion just starts pouring out for them.
But also it makes the hurt less sticky to me.
I think it's for me, it makes it less sticky, but it doesn't stop me from, you know, there's
no mercy for bullies.
No, I agree.
I think the boundaries are still important, but this in some ways helped me to deal with
the recovery.
Yeah.
It doesn't, it doesn't sit with you and you don't care that much.
Yes.
I think you, of course you care about people being not 100% themselves and, you know, hurting
you, but you don't because the thing is you don't really have to forgive.
You don't have to forget.
You can do whatever you like with it, but it doesn't last that long.
You can get initially, you know, we ignited and get fuming about something, but then you
say, is it really worth it?
And I think with life experience, you start to the thick skin that you sort of, you know,
metaphorically grow.
It's just a question of, I don't really care about it.
It doesn't matter to me.
I've done it, not interested.
And this is not something that I would consider forming for me or beneficial.
So I just reject it.
Doesn't serve me.
I reject it.
That's, you know, take it away with you.
And there is no space for that sort of behavior to be tolerated.
Yeah.
And I think all of these, when we talk about relationship in general, this is on a day
to day setting at work because in a team, relationships can be strained, can be broken
or can be in silos.
And when you adopt, assume best intention, you can do your best to break down silos and
repair relationships that are strained between departments or teams.
And I think because you're doing that, you're empowering stronger and more connected team.
I think assuming best intentions is essentially caring.
It's essentially caring.
And it's also being curious about others.
Yeah, I agree.
And I think when you care, you improve the wellbeing of the team, both mentally and emotionally.
And you change the environment of where they're working, where I am working.
I want it to be healthy.
Yeah.
And as best as you can make it, you know, nobody's going to work or there's very, very,
little amount of people that go to work to do things badly or to do things against the team.
Yeah.
So we just need to enable people to show care.
So I think when you do that, when you empower more connected team, you help cultivate problem
solving skills as a group.
And I think you also allow people to tune in the feeling of the group of the team.
Yes.
And you constantly check in on the health of the team.
And in turn, the teams can then deal with challenges with objectivity instead of blaming.
So it's not you against me.
It's us against the problem.
And I think this is going to allow all of us really on reflection of how we approach
others, how we look at people's feelings towards us and how they present themselves in front
of us and allow us to decide that it's actually us who in most in the best part can make a
difference to how we feel about what we see.
I think it's going to allow us to see, hear and feel people in a better way, in a better
light, more productive, more problem solving rather than judgmental and discriminatory
in one way or another.
I agree.
We hope this is an opportunity for you to tap into the practice of Assume Best Intention
for a week and let us know how that goes.
Thank you for listening.
Until next time.
It's about time for Yuen Reads.
Welcome to Yuen Reads.
Today's book is called You Are Your Best Thing, edited by Tarana Burke and Brene Brown.
This book talks about vulnerability, shame, resilience and the black experience.
The artwork, spectacular.
And usually when I read such a heavy book, I have to pause a few times because I have
to let it sink in.
Sometimes it can feel quite heavy, but the way this is written, these are like short
essays written by different people and how it was written, it was so drawing for me that
I finished it in one setting.
And this very rarely happened for a non-fiction because usually I have to focus on it and
process it in some ways, even though Mike would disagree.
He always said I read too quickly, so we can't read the same paper because he gets really
annoyed with me when I scroll too quickly.
So these are stories about a few different people.
You have Jason Reynolds, Austin Channing Brown, and you've got one, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20.
So you've got 20 essays.
People who are so courageous that they open up their hearts and wrote their story down
and gave me a glimpse into their difficulties, their hardship.
And even though it was heart-wrenching to read the stories in some ways, it was also
very inspirational because the struggles that they have and the resilience that they have
to bounce back or to be constantly practicing or fighting what they were doing before
just made me feel in awe of them and also made me feel quite hopeful of humanity in general.
Definitely, definitely recommend this.

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comment, or record a voicemail on our website.
We will do our best to answer you either directly or via the podcast.
Bye for now, and until next time.