Fake it till you make it

Fake it till you make it.
I think we all might have heard that before,
but how much of it do we do consciously
and how much we don't realise that we're doing?
My name is Mike.
And it's Yuen.
Welcome to The Imperfect Clinician.
Can you fake it till you make it?
What do you mean by that?
Well, the idea for this episode, I think, came from looking at others and looking at myself,
starting in a new position, a new job, or even straight after uni,
to see that you are trying to position yourself
as more knowledgeable and better than you actually are at that point.
And I noticed that when you arrive in a new role or new environment, even,
you sometimes try to be better than you actually are.
So what I'm trying to say by that is you want to present yourself as more knowledgeable,
more skilful, and I believe, I believe.
I think that this attitude and this approach, in some circumstances,
can allow you to sort of grow into the role.
So do you mean fake it in terms of the clinical perspective
or in terms of your competencies, or do you think it's more the confidence?
I think in both, really.
But I think that there are so many factors that are new,
and usually there is a steep learning curve in any position.
I wouldn't be tempted to say that uni doesn't prepare you to work.
I think that it teaches you slightly different skills than you actually utilise at work,
and you have to have an idea of how you want to present yourself.
And usually it involves you playing a little bit cleverer than you actually are, I think.
There are so many things to understand as well in the new environment,
such as the culture of the team, relationships within the team,
history of the team, which you may not be fully aware, or history of your position,
also taking into consideration the personalities or individual bodies in your surroundings.
I think also from the clinical point of view, when you are straight after uni or in a new place,
you need to understand how the things, how the processes really work.
And this is where you are trying to...
Well, you can't know everything straight after uni, and you learn things.
I mean, there is a greater focus on, for example, more severe conditions during the uni,
where you can make a greater impact, and it leaves a little bit more space for your development in the future
for those minor things that more people come to you with.
And I think this is where you sometimes have to...
Well, you don't want to go out to the patient to discuss something really minor
that you should know in your opinion and just say,
oh, sorry, no, I have to look it up, I don't know, you know.
I think there is no shame in doing that.
It's just we want to show ourselves as knowledgeable and skillful.
So from what you said earlier on, I partially agree and partially disagree.
So I agree when you say everything is done.
I think everything is done differently in different places,
but there are also different expectations of your role.
Yeah, and expectations from the team.
Yes, but I am concerned there are risks,
because if you don't have sufficient experience and you're trying to put across as you are,
there are risks of having mistakes.
I agree, yes.
Whereas I think from what you put across, so if the reaction I feel is quite important,
so if the patient's asking you something and you go,
I'm not sure about this, but I'll find out for you,
even though internally you are panicking compared to you saying,
oh, I'm really not sure, it changes the patient's perception to you as a clinician.
I completely agree.
So you fake the, you tone down the panic and the anxiety when you're not sure about something,
but you still come across as quite calm and confident.
That's the part of the faking it that I would agree,
but not the part where you pretend to know something that you don't clinically.
That is very true, and I 100% agree with you.
When it comes to knowledge, we shouldn't make risky decisions and we should know our limitations.
And I think it could be bravery.
Sometimes we feel, oh yeah, I know things.
It could be self-confidence.
This is behavioral, so this is something that you can train yourself to be,
or can assume what you're going to behave like, I suppose.
I think it's very important to understand when do you ask questions
and when do you question yourself to prevent any potential disaster.
There is a risk of arrogance here when you are trying to put yourself in a position of know-it-all
and you don't have the skill or if you don't have the knowledge to see through.
And I think this is something that can quite quickly be discovered by the team
and undermine your position.
So you have to be very careful when you're doing it.
I mean, there is a bit of imposter syndrome in that as well.
So you appear in a situation where, what am I actually doing here?
I don't know enough to, for example, comparing to the previous team member that you replaced
and you want to make the same or even better impact.
And this is where you start to, I don't know, increase the confidence in presenting yourself.
And with time, you realize how much more there is to learn.
And this is the experience.
This is where you gain necessary miles in your job to be able to say,
well, actually I have come across same or similar situation before
and now I know how to respond better.
This is where we learn.
And I think when you talk about people will see through it, I think you can't fake it for long.
You might fake the confidence, but I think it's also important to open up
and show your humanity in front of your work colleague and say, this is what I'm working on.
Not to the point where you think I'm just going to fake it and people know you're not competent.
But on the other hand, we've seen a variety of people within that spectrum of they are new,
but like you said, they're arrogant and they assume they know everything
and they don't want to ask questions.
And even if you give some pointers, they take it very negatively.
And we have sort of an in between where they're calm, collected,
and they know their limits and the competencies.
And you've got the other end of the spectrum where they're not confident,
but they're showing it and it changes not just patient's perception,
but the team and other clinicians perception of the person.
And also because we decide with our feelings,
it also can undermine the trust we can have in a clinician.
I think this is where the experience, I understand experience as a way of
understanding and acknowledging of your own personal barriers and limitations.
And it is a step to become better, to see, look out for more options to grow.
Yeah.
And I think when you are looking at opportunities to grow, mistakes are inevitable.
So regardless of whether you are prepared or you're faking it,
there's one unavoidable way to learn.
As clinicians or in any job, you're bound to make mistakes.
That's how you learn.
Besides being curious and ask questions, besides being part of the team,
you will make mistakes.
But the difference in the progression, I guess, after you've made the mistake,
the progression of your growth is it's how you react after you've had the mistakes.
I've seen two people making the same mistakes.
One was having shaming self-talk in front of a team member that affects the perception of others.
Whereas one takes it in their stride and say, right, I've made a mistake.
What can I do better?
And the perception changes because it gives you and more importantly,
other people around you an insight on how you deal with challenges.
So how would you react if they come to you for a problem?
Or how would you react if a disaster is struck?
Or like we mentioned previously, a mistake has happened.
Okay, so how about you now?
What happened when you first started being a pharmacist or a manager or a leader?
I don't know, big one, whatever, whichever you want to go for.
Sorry, how do I?
What happened when you first started?
How did you feel?
Did you feel that you're faking it till you make it?
I was faking the calmness because I was very nervous internally.
But I knew I didn't want to show that two parts because it will affect other people's perception.
But more importantly, if I am showing that I'm nervous, I'm actually more nervous internally.
So Amy Cuddy in TED Talk mentioned about how body language affects our confidence.
So how people sit before the interview affects how they interview.
So if you crouch forward, open, it affects how you feel internally.
In some ways, your body will trick your brain into that.
So even though I was very nervous, I was trying to stand up straight, not crouch, breathe,
making sure that I do that.
Even though I'm very, very nervous, I am trying to fake the confidence as much as I can.
But not from the clinical perspective, but more from the confidence.
Moressa, I am trying to repeatedly tell my brain, you're going to be calm.
You're going to be calm, like a mantra.
And then with experience, it slowly becomes a normal thing.
Well, I remember when I came to UK and I started working, I was considered to be quite probably
rude, or maybe not rude as such, but impolite.
I noticed a bit later on that I'm not thanking and pleasing and apologizing as often as I
should, as it's socially expected.
Yeah, because it's understanding the culture.
In Poland, you ask people, do that, do that for me.
You don't do that for me, please.
So that was a bit of a barrier at first.
So I wonder what happens in Poland.
If you say, do that for me, please, all the time, what would it be perceived as?
I think you would be perceived as not that...
Authorative?
Authorative, yeah.
That's, I think, fair description.
I think you would be considered as, oh, you are really shy and embarrassed to ask for help.
So that wouldn't put you in that confident manner that you would expect a clinician,
leader, manager to be.
Oh, so people wouldn't see you as somebody who's a confident.
So you're asking for help.
And that doesn't mean you are, I don't know, delegating in a straightforward way.
And you go around things rather than go straight the route.
So that was, I think, initially my problem.
So you could read it as being overly confident and just not considerate to other team members.
And I think this was something that, after a while, I had some feedback about it because
people, I think people were sort of taking this correction at right here from abroad.
So you might be, but still it affects them directly.
So I was, yeah, I had some feedback and I started to consciously incorporate it into
the daily routine, into how I speak to others.
What do I thank for?
What do I apologize for?
And how making sure that I appreciate you all of a sudden started to sound more appreciative
of what appreciative of what people are doing for you.
I noticed that it changed me in that respect that I understood that this perceived, I would
say from my previous point of view, like a fake politeness.
So just adding it, it sort of makes those requests and this delegation process a little
bit rounder, you know, a bit smoother.
And it's, it taught me that, yes, it is a part of us being kind and polite.
And I don't just add it because it's a social convention to do it.
I always genuinely mean it and I'm always very appreciative when people are doing things
for me and I make a lot of effort to, to let everybody else understand.
Although at work I can, I am quite happy giving feedback to people when I see something not
being done right.
But I believe that this is something that can be done in a mindful and respectful way.
And it, but it is a skill.
It is a skill.
We're not naturally that great at giving feedback.
I think we need to understand that very often you have to give feedback to people who are
much older than you.
For some cultures, that's a problem.
And I think we're going to talk about, we have to talk separately about feedback because
it is such a big subject that we're not going to delve deeper into into it here.
Can you tell me, has anything changed in the way of how you portray yourself, whether you
are fake until you make it, when you first became a prescriber?
So the two parts do it, I guess.
So being a prescriber is, is not straight away after you qualify in the UK and with
any new additional responsibility, there is always the nerve of, am I going to make a
mistake?
It is my first prescription.
I'm going to triple, quadruple check before I sign the prescription, but it also in, in
terms of faking it.
So when I first receive a compliment, even though I was ecstatic, I was, I want to jump
up in joy.
But then again, like you said, I'm conscious that culturally in the UK, it's not common.
So people don't wear their emotions on their sleeve.
So I just went, Oh, thank you very much.
And then went to my room, then jump in joy.
Well, you're not going to high five yourself all of a sudden.
No, but I think it's because I was in a, in a new environment and I wasn't sure where
I stand, but I don't, I don't have the psychological safety yet because I have, I am in the process
of assessing it, but in where I am now, I can easily jump from my room to somebody else's
room and they accept, they accept me for who I am flaws and all.
So faking, not just the nerves, but sometimes also the joy because I wanted to fit in.
Okay.
So now I was also wondering about a different aspect of faking, faking it in a way is when
your career path or your professional life is either chosen or strongly influenced by
your parents.
So can you grow into liking what you going to do?
Yes.
Or you do it to a point and then you, you get the confidence to leave the job and do
the actual thing that you enjoy.
Okay.
So it's more work on yourself.
Yes.
Okay.
Or do you think that in the career chosen by parents, you are going to show it by being,
I don't know, arrogant to others and just doing it because you're doing it, you have
no other idea for what you want to do and you just become very selfish and not very
fulfilled clinician?
Yeah.
I think that because of the, you feel resentful because it wasn't your choice, perhaps you
were not given the option.
And plus if you then move on to do a job that you don't enjoy and it's draining the life
out of you, it's quite normal to be resentful.
And perhaps you go into it and do a bare minimum and then you go, because you don't know what's
the next step.
It's quite scary to make the leap of faith to change into something else.
And so you choose to stay, but by staying it's draining you and you are blaming everybody
else, including yourself.
Okay.
So now, and how about parenting?
Babies don't come with a manual, especially for like the first born and, you know, from
the logistics point of view.
So you adapt and just fake it, you know, you put every effort to make the best of it because
you don't want to be a bad parent.
You know, you want to respond to your baby's needs and to look after it properly and you
can't choose not to do it.
And instead, you know, read up about it because no matter how much you read up about it, the
baby's still going to throw up on your back, you know, when you're trying to, to make it,
to settle it, I guess.
So, you know, I think with the first one, no matter how much you read, it will never
going to be enough to prepare you.
And even with the second and subsequent child, it's the dynamics different.
So you still have to, to some extent play by the ear and fake it or maybe fake calmness
when you're trying hard not to shout at them.
Yeah, I completely agree.
I must say that having a child is a big lesson of growing into the role.
No matter, you know, unless you're a midwife that spends time with tiny babies all the
time, you will struggle to be ready for everything that is going to come.
I mean, there is a lot of unexpected factors and you just have to play by the ear, follow
your feelings and emotions on how to respond to needs.
What if the baby's poorly?
How do you recognize it?
When is it hungry?
Is it unsettled?
Is it teething?
Is it not teething?
Is it, you know, getting up and bumped its head?
You just have to do everything from what you feel is right, really.
And what other situations can you think of that you fake, you fake it till you make it?
I think one of them that springs to mind is driving.
When you learn how to drive, you learn all the rules and then you sort of get on the
road yourself.
And yes, you have some base knowledge and you have, you know, done enough to pass your
driving exam, but this is not really enough to make you into a confident driver.
Because it doesn't prepare you for the fall.
For everything.
It's important.
It's impossible to be prepared for everything.
And that's why when you sit in the car, you realize, well, actually now I'm there.
What am I doing?
I'm on my own.
There's no one to tell me where to turn, what to do and what to press.
And the situations can be quite difficult.
So you have to learn quickly how to set the safety threshold for yourself to avoid any
risks.
You know, you might be hurting somebody and it's similar to the clinician's job in that
respect.
Apart from driving, you fake, I think a lot of things in life.
I mean, it's very tricky to fake emotions because if somebody, unless you are a very
good actor, you learn to read those quite early in life and that probably stays with
you.
So it's difficult to fake emotions, but you can suppress the reactions.
So not necessarily the emotions, they are very hard to find, but you can suppress the
reactions to the events.
And with life, it gets really tricky to fake emotions.
And with age, you get better to mask it, just like how a child, you know, has no filter.
You know, if you were a child, it is impossible for you to fake all the emotions.
If you're angry, you're showing it.
If you're upset, you're showing it.
If you're happy, you're showing it as well.
So maybe we are getting better or we have the practice of hiding our emotions and we're
not wearing our hearts on our sleeve anymore.
Does that make you less authentic?
I don't think so.
I think that you can articulate your emotions better and more consciously, I want to say,
and you work through negative emotions better.
You are part of the group in most of the things that you're doing.
You're part of the teams and you need to make sure that you also set the right example.
I don't know that you develop some sort of a little bit of distance and a little bit
of control of how things make you feel.
I agree.
You have to, you need more practice to put the distance between your feelings and your
reactions.
So you can feel something when somebody says something and you react, but then the pauses
within internally in your head and in your body, that is a practice to cultivate.
So the more practice you have, the more measured, I guess, your reactions can be.
So you're not as emotionally reactive in situations.
Another thing is what happens when you start to lead the team.
So you become, have some more responsible position or you're given a senior or manager's
position.
Do you put barriers or do you slightly slowly change the things in the team to create a
revolution or you slowly progress into the evolution mode?
How is it for you?
I think for me, putting the barriers and dictating changes straight away have a poor,
this is based on my experience, it's shown that it's quite poor in its ability to influence
others because what I'm trying to do is to make sure that everyone believe in the change.
Or I should say majority of people believe in the change.
I don't want to go in and dictate the change.
I want to empower other people to do it alongside me.
So of course there'll be exceptions to this where changes have to be made swiftly because
of ethically or morally incorrect behaviors.
But I feel most of the time, it's very important to understand the team, listen to them and
empowering them to do what is right and rewarding the behaviors that you want to see.
So I think I'm more of an evolution or I should say a renovation type leader.
So I go in influence and make changes because I want to engage with people around me and
I'm hoping that any difference that I have started will last even after I leave.
And I think you're going back here to what we were talking about, the age of heart,
where you start with feelings.
You try to understand the feelings and how people perceive things rather than the actual
ability of the team and finding the correct behaviors and promoting those gets you a step
ahead from the leaders that would, you know, with a strong fist start to put their foot
down and try to create a revolution, I guess.
I agree.
And I think what you said about ability, you can always develop ability.
Yeah, you can teach the skill, you can learn the skill.
However, with emotions, if the emotions are not being dealt with, it will become a barrier
to their progression to how you want them or how they want themselves to grow.
So there's one more thing that I was thinking about when we were preparing for this episode.
Do you have to have a vision or purpose to fake it till you make it work?
What do you mean by that?
Well, I think that sometimes you start working in the position of a manager or a leader
and you are new to the situation.
So in the beginning you might be a bit of an imposter here and you might try to exert
or show your confidence to pretend that you know more than you actually know by then.
And do you need to have a vision for the future for the team before you start with the team
or do you develop it or do you create it when you know more about the team?
Does fake it till you make it require a longer plan of how you're going to grow
into your role as a leader?
I want to say when I step in the role like this, the purpose of the team is generally already there
as in the purpose of the company or the organization or the people.
But the fake it till I make it is a safety netting for myself to deal with the initial jitters
until I build relationship with everybody else in the team and then I empower everybody else
and help with their growth, myself including, to work towards that purpose.
Does it make sense?
I think it does, yeah.
I think it's quite difficult to know everything when you're starting a new job
and you need to have some base level of knowledge.
I mean, you can take over the whole company and change the complete direction straight away
by why would you not want to explore what's already there?
You have to prepare yourself somehow if you want to make big changes.
You don't go with the idea, right, in my opinion, we should be doing this, that and the other.
I don't care what's happened before me.
This is what we're going to do from now on.
But I think when you are doing that, you take away the learning opportunity of understanding
what was good before and what can be improved on.
So what can be good before is something that you can retain and learn
and what can be improved on is then your role to change the direction of.
But then it makes you a bit of a gambler when you're
trying to exert your own power and your own vision on the people you don't know.
So it is a big gamble for anybody who wants to start revolution
in that power aspect of running the job.
Yeah.
And it's power over.
I am the leader.
Hence, I have power over you.
There's limited dialogue here, I think.
Yeah.
And I think this can be, it might be helpful in the short run,
but I don't see a benefit in the long run.
I think it's more risky.
I mean, I think it's better to build on the, first of all, recognize the strength
and then potentially build on them rather than all of a sudden, you know,
change something that you don't fully understand because the history of the team
of what's been happening so far, it's quite important to understand.
Yes, you can make a big decision and sometimes they are necessary.
Sometimes you have to eliminate people that are just feeding on the team
rather than contributing to the team.
There are all sorts of things that have to sometimes happen in the team,
but you need to have a basic understanding rather than just to show people power
and that people have to respect you.
Cause I don't think that's how you earn respect in any organization for that matter.
I agree.
So we talked a lot about different situations where you fake it to your maker is actually
more than I thought because my first reaction when Mike mentioned it was like,
no, we don't do that.
And then when he challenges me with the different situation that we just discussed,
I thought actually we do probably didn't realize that it was a coping or an adaptive mechanism
for you, myself to fit in.
If you have any more ideas where you fake it to your maker, please tell us in the comments.
And we hope you enjoyed our conversation.
Yeah.
Thank you for today.
And we'll see you next time.
It's about time for Yuen Reads.
Welcome to the segment of Yuen Reads today.
I am talking about the art of gathering by Priya Park.
This is amazing.
Oh my goodness.
Blew my mind.
Blew my mind.
I got this book because I was thinking, do I really need all of my meetings?
Are all the gathering as they supposed to?
Is there any way to make it, I don't know, better?
Is there a formula?
And turns out there is.
And Priya's experience with conflict resolution and managing gathering is amazing.
It's just the depth of her knowledge into this and the way that she wrote it made it so relatable.
Relatable, for example, like the size of the group matter, apparently.
The space per guest matter, if you're doing a face-to-face event.
And she talks about how venue is a nudge.
Depending on what you're trying to achieve, the venue should compliment it or not.
And the biggest, biggest thing I think she said that I really resonated with,
and I now try to do that before any gathering, especially the ones that I'm chairing,
is to find my purpose.
So what is the purpose of the gathering?
And I now do that clearly at the start of any gathering.
So everyone has a cleared vision and everyone can see where I am.
It really helps me with my growth.
There are other tips in this book that are really gems, takeaways.
I've just run out of places to put my sticky tabs on, ended up highlighting some of it,
and yeah, it's all over.
But this is a book that I would always, always go back to.
And I've recommended it to some of my friends as well.
This is, yeah, couldn't recommend it more.
Definitely need reading.
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